So yep. My mother still isn't talking to me. You know, usually that happens when I do or say something to offend her, but today, I... honestly can say I didn't do shit. So it's just plain stupid. But GOD, it actually is nice. It really is.


I'm not really sure why I'm making this entry, except to say that that bullshit throwaway semi-joke I made a month or so ago, about Captain Robau being Gaila's adoptive father, has somehow become canon, or at least fanon in my mind, and I almost said something about it on ontd_startrek before I remembered OH YEAH, I made that up.

It festered in my mind and I ended up with this random shit about him marrying or otherwise liberating an Orion woman so she can get the intergalactic equivalent of a green card, and her little daughter Gaila came along, too, for the chance to live a better life. But Gaila is a carefree hedonistic girl. SCREW U I DO WHAT I WANT.

I have this image in my head of Gaila's shit kind of paralleling Kirk's. After her "father" is dead, her mother turns him into some sort of saint or something, and Gaila essentially joins Starfleet to shut her mother the hell up about the legacy and duty and obligation and whatever. Maybe she does some reading and hears Starfleet Academy is a great party school. And since she's ~exotic~, she gets all the men and gets to be a big old slut.

And maybe she tells Kirk that they're totally destined to be together or something because of their shared ~past~, but in actuality, she just wants to get in his pants. So it would turn out she's an even more reckless, even less giving a shit female version of him. And she lies and manipulates him just the way he does her (if you count the deleted scene as canon).


I don't know. I'm just glad I'm getting SOME ideas for stories, even if they're stupid and make no sense.

GOD, okay. All love to big girls and boys and everything in between. I'm as big (LOL HAR HAR PUN) a fat acceptance advocate as I ever was, but in all fairness, THIS PART OF BEING A FAT GIRL KIND OF SUCKS.

So yeah, fell off that stupid 6 inch ledge today and just now, I'm sitting here realizing GEE LOL MY LEG RLY HURTS I WONDER WHY. Yeah, I guess I can figure out why. And I know it's from hitting concrete with all of my 300-odd lb clumsiness. GURK.

But still, ROCK ON FAT PEOPLE. ROCK THE FUCK ON. With ibuprofen. And a really sore knee.

So after exactly 9 years, 10 months and 2 days, it's the end of an era.

I no longer have a dial up internet account.

I got DSL in 2006, but continued to have Dial up as backup until today. I can't afford it, I'm not going to make Miki pay for it anymore, and there's just no point.

This must be how people felt when they gave up their party lines. :/ Or their... rotary phones.


Poll #1421687 Dial up
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

You don't still use dial up in 2009, do you?

When was the last time you used dial up?

How fast was your first modem?

SO LAST TIME, WE MET OUR HERO, PLASTIC PAVEL CHEKOV, AS HE STRUGGLED TO ADAPT TO A WEIRD ASS NEW LIFE ON A STRANGE PLANET INHABITED WITH PENGUINS, FEMBOTS AND PICKACHEWS:

http://community.livejournal.com/ontd_startrek/318103.html

With the spirits of the new!Enterprise crew watching over him, he resigned himself to the fact that not only was he a plastic toy, but he was the only one of his kind. (Except for my Commander Data doll, but he's upstairs and I'm too lazy to look for him).

Little did he suspect... THE ADVENTURE WAS ONLY BEGINNING OR SOME BULLSHIT.

For all at once, he was no longer alone:

( THE GQMF IS STRONG IN THESE ONES )

I x-posted this to ontd_startrek but it needs to be here, too. Especially in case it doesn't get accepted on the other comm.

http://community.livejournal.com/ontd_startrek/318103.html

SOME OF YOU, like... 2 of you may remember back in the day when I did THIS:

http://chibicelchan.livejournal.com/822058.html

Well, this is kind of... similar.



So I was sitting here thinking about how sad I am that I still have no action figures for XI. I have a box full of little plastic GQMFs from my childhood/teenage years, but since I was a TNG/Voy fanatic as a kid, they're pretty much all TNG/Voy figures. Which rock, but they don't meet my TOS/XI needs at the moment. And my desk is sad and lonely with no GQ mofos to adorn it.

AND THEN I REMEMBERED HOLY SHIT WAIT A MINUTE



PAVEL ANDREIEVICH MOTHER FUCKING CHEKOV REPORTING FOR DUTY, KEPTEEN.

( THERE IS GQ MOFO TO BE HAD YET )

GoAnimate.com: transporter farewell by celiloquy

Like it? Create your own at GoAnimate.com. It's free and fun!

So I've spent the better part of the day reading negative Star Trek reviews (they're out there. There's even that damn blog. Just google "star trek xi sucks" and you'll find it). None of them really bother me, even the aforementioned blog (which takes no prisoners. Literally). I'm cool with acknowledging the movie's flaws (though I may have to cut a bitch if someone insults Chekov. JUST SAYIN LOL) and coming to the conclusion that it's a really pretty messed up movie, because

IT DOESN'T MATTER. I like it ANYWAY. I LOVE it anyway. I want more anyway.

And despite initial appearances, a LOT of the major bitching can be debunked, to a point. Here is my attempt to do just that.

( pew pew pew )

KMSP and WFTC are gone. They've replaced their programming from 9pm (???) to midnight with a 5 minute (or so) loop about how to hook up your dad-blasted box. KTCA/KTCI went off sometime this morning, I didn't know about it. Here is a video:



WHICH LEAVES THE BIG 3

WCCO
KSTP
KARE

And possibly KPXM, I don't know, I can't pick it up on any of my TVs.

2 HOURS TO GO.

My FIRST video covering the DTV switch, from February:

Poll #1414584 Digital Transition 2009 is a go!
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

DOOD June 12 2009 is upon us! This is the US cutoff date for the conversion to digital television!

Are you all ready for the conversion?

Do you have a converter box, or are you all set with cable/satellite?

ALSO I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY BALONEY ABOUT HOW YOU DON'T WATCH TELEVISION AND INSTEAD YOU CATCH UP ON YOUR PROGRAMS BY USING THE HULU. WHERE I COME FROM THE HULU IS A DANCE EXCEPT THE SECOND U IS AN A. SO DON'T GIVE ME NONE OF THAT. THIS IS AMERICA AND HERE IN AMERICA WE SIT OUR ASSES DOWN IN FRONT OF THE TV THE SIZE OF AN OLDSMOBILE SO THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS INDEED THIS TRANSITION.

Spock and Uhura Star Trek XI by ~ArmyGreenNoBara on deviantART

I'm spamming your fpage with my dubious quality of "art" (Pencil and markers) for 2 reasons:

1. STAR TREK HAY.

2. This is the first time I've ever tried shading with markers.

And maybe a third reason:

3. I haven't drawn anything since FEBRUARY. D:

My phone charger crapped out! This is the second one. Fuck, every time something goes wrong with this phone, I question why I'm even still using it, and that goes triple for this time. The phone is old, it's slow, it's bulky and I could get a much better replacement for half the price. :/ Dammit too, a phone is NO good without a charger, especially since now there's all this potential drama to contend with. AAAAUGH GOD WHAT DO I DO NOW


Also, Trek fans, I have to recommend this:

http://leilawinters.deviantart.com/art/Kirk-s-Revelation-spoilers-123272213

Drawn by the inimitable leilawinters. AND I LOL'D MIGHTILY.

WELL, I guess I won't be going to see Star Trek today, seeing as how I only have $7.50 left in the bank. But that's okay, because I may be able to have EVEN MORE FUN AT HOAM! My favorite Youtuber in the whole wide world, King Heathen is having his first live show tonight!

Yes indeed. I may even go in the basement to watch so as not to be disturbed.

Let's imagine, for a moment, that there is a higher power. It's not hard for most people; most folks grew up believing in a god or gods, or some kind of spirits that exist on a higher plane and have some degree of control or influence over our lives.

I know I was always told by my mother that Jesus was watching me and saw everything I did. An immortal god with infinite power, infinite knowledge and the memories of everyone who ever existed was watching over me.

I struggled with most of the things I learned, and eventually lost faith in everything except the very basics.

1. There is a god of some kind

2. He/she/it is watching me

3. He/she/it has flawless memories of everything that has ever happened to me, my parents, people I know, my cats, everything.

And so, I've always had this image in my mind of the afterlife, or of another plain of existence, just beyond our comprehension, in which the past still lives and everything that's ever happened can be instantly recalled. I imagined a place where all my old lost drawings and stories still existed, just as fresh and complete as they ever were. I imagined a place where all the events of childhood can be replayed and the mystery of What We Ate at That One Girl Scouts Meeting would be forever solved.

It comforted me, and I imagined this place as a wonderful place of bliss, where I and all my departed cats and everyone that's ever mattered all live in peace and harmony. I took it as just the way it was, and I do also admit that I probably lived for that far-off concept more than I lived for my actual life. It would be a place where shit finally made sense and everything was whole. I could look at my life as the big picture and not a bunch of half-forgotten fragments.

Now, I wonder.

What if all of that is just a nice concept, a fun fairy tale, something my young mind created out of stories and never outgrew.

What if not only is there nothing after we die, but what if the past truly is gone and exists only in a few minds and some papers or electronic data? Minds that can be corrupted and addled with age and disease. Papers which can burn and be torn and lost. Electronic data which can be deleted with the push of a button.

My mother's memories are corrupted. I don't think I can trust a single account of hers as fact. She has proven that she basically only recalls one or two events from my childhood, and she recalls them inaccurately.

My grandmother's memories are even more corrupted. She thinks I was around in the 40s. She doesn't know her husband and daughter are dead. Time is meaningless to her.

I used to think, oh well. When they both die, they will go to a wonderful place where they'll both be young and healthy and their memories will be sound and sharp. I've even comforted myself when my mother proves she doesn't remember my most cherished memories, for which she was there, by saying "she'll remember one day."

What if she won't? What if neither of them will? What if they die and their memories are gone forever. They don't go to heaven or hell or the astral plane or anywhere. They just die.

It's the most likely answer. We have no evidence of heaven or hell or the astral plane. We have as much reason to believe in an afterlife as we do in mermaids or a space dumpster on the moon containing an evil horned witch. There is no evidence for all these beliefs I've held for so long and which now seem so damn silly!

It's almost a license for me to let the past go, to let it be dead and gone, to not let it affect me now because it's gone and it's never coming back no matter what. No matter what.


By the way, I'm an atheist. Tell mom, bye. *hangs up*


Seriously, I'll talk more about that later. The fact that I'm looking at myself in the mirror and seeing a fat, possibly gay atheist. And I'm liking it.

I am going to have to come back to this when my first instinct isn't to fill the Semagic window with badly thought out rage and personal insults. I might end up saying something unforgivably nasty and thoughtless.

You know, like when Biggest Loser trainer Jillian Michaels referred to obese contestants as "half-dead" and said that they do not behave like "a normal person" would. (or could)

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090416/ap_en_tv/tv_jillian_michaels


"I push them really hard," the fitness guru said this week. "They are 400 ... pounds! Hello! They are not just going to get on the treadmill and run. It doesn't work that way."
...

"A normal person, I could be like 'OK, mama, jump up there. Warm up five minutes.' You'd be like, 'OK.'

"THESE people are half-dead. I mean, it's not the same."


Yeah. More later, when I can actually think.

And what is it this time? Another 18 year old blonde celebrity leaks a sex video, this time with marmots?

Christian Bale and Bill O'Reilly have teamed up to perform the ultimate behind the scenes rant, and they're having open auditions for the unwitting tech guy whose head they will collectively bite off?

LJ made another unpopular fandom decision and now all the Wizards of Waverly Place fans are leaving en masse and taking their RP journals with them?


Nope.

This time it's AMAZON, trying to save us all from the explicit content of all those awful gay books:

http://www.smartbitchestrashybooks.com/index.php/weblog/comments/amazon-rank/

http://community.livejournal.com/sf_drama/2115822.html

Back when I was 12-17, and questioning my sexuality, back before I pretty much shrugged, said, "I'll probably be a virgin forever" and figured out that I'm attracted to women physically and men in a "little starry eyed girl with a crush" way, I used to have dreams all the time where I was a guy and I was in love with some random chick.

I had like 4 dreams within the same week before I started high school, in which I was sitting on my bed making out with a girl/in a zero-g hotel room making out with a girl/in the school bathroom being gynecologically examined by a girl. I had a bunch of dreams before junior year where I was an androgynous male in love with a not-androgynous blue haired female.

Since then, I've shifted genders in dreams quite frequently, but hey, check this out:

( Did you know Nicholas Cage wishes he was married to Angelina Jolie? )

So, as some of you may know, I have a lot of batshit relatives. My mother is batshit, my grandmother is batshit, my late aunt Betsy was batshit. Miki is arguably batshit in many respects, too. My great aunt by marriage, Lois, who died sometime in the 70s, was supremely batshit. She once boarded up her chimney to keep the Baby Jesus out. Her husband was also batshit in the psychopathic, no empathy kind of way. My grandmother recalls vividly how batshit Great Uncle Einar once watched one of his kids beat the living crap out of either my mother or Miki, when she was 2 years old. Instead of intervening, batshit Einar sat back, cracked open a beer and laughed.

Well, batshit Auntie Lois and batshit Uncle Einar had a couple daughters, one of whom is dead, and one of whom is still alive and is SUPREMELY FUCKING BATSHIT! She is known as "Johanna" or simply "Joan".

Well, Joan is well into her 60s and filthy stinking rich. She married a doctor in 2000 and took on some denomination of Christianity. Since then, she is convinced that she has become a modern day prophet, that God Almighty frequently speaks directly to her/works through her. She has zillions of dollars which she uses to fund her dubious ministry (which seems to consist of recording unfathomly horrible CDs, putting on plays for old people about Norwegian saints, and going on pilgrimage after pilgrimage to the Holy Land, bathing nude in the River Jordan, mooching off people and stealing food) and she sends out periodical fucking NEWSLETTERS to her family and friends to keep them abreast of the batshittery she's committed in the name of Jesus and some random Norwegian lady from 1780.

I usually never see any of her shit first hand, though in 2006 when Miki was here, Grandma got some CDs from Joan and I took them home and played them and nearly had a holy vision myself; a vision of projectile vomiting through my tears from laughing so goddamn hard. I seem to recall posting the track listing:

GOD'S MUSIC

As Given To Johanna [redacted]

1. Jehovah Lord/Lord Come Walk By My Side
2. Salvation Song (Colors)
3. Lord God Almighty
4. Praise The Lord
5. May We Dance to the Lord
6. Lord, Please Smile on Me
7. Wash Me Clean, Polish Me Smooth, Then Give Me Your Power
8. God Alone Medley (Is There Any Room for Jesus?/Idolatry Poem/No One Can Serve Two Masters/10 Commandments/Psalm 51)
9. Lord of Power
10. We Take Authority (Over Demons) We Have Victory Through Jesus' Blood
11. Lord, We Adore You


So, anyway, today, we got a letter from her. She is making a pilgrimage to Israel in May, and God himself has told her to get her affairs in order. A prophet has warned them that they will be horribly killed, and so, Joan has printed up a list of her worldly possessions (Three motherfucking houses full of shit. I'm not kidding. She has three houses) and wants her family to get back to her with who wants what.

Now, I'm... not religious. I've had little flirtations with spirituality and I respect other peoples' beliefs, but seriously. SERIOUSLY. I know it's hard to be a filthy rich old white woman with three houses and all, but fancying herself a modern day prophet/saint/whatever the fuck? Why not just admit "I'm like 68 years old and I weigh 400 pounds, I'll probably die soon"? Why turn it into a big WEEP NOT FOR ME FOR THE LORD HATH GIVENETH I MY FATE, WHO WANTS MY LAWNMOWER?

Why?

BECAUSE SHE IS BATSHIT. Forever and ever amen.